I remember when I was about to turn 20, I started looking for psychotic medicines to get me overdose, the problem is they're pricey and hard to get as you have to have prescription to get them. Here I am, 2 years plus later still feeling the same way as I was, just lost and confused.
Honestly I'm sure everyone must have experienced the fear of growing up one way or another, I'm just still not getting over it. I really don't want to grow old, I want to stay in my teen years. I don't even want to live past 25, I'm one fourth of a century then lol.
I'm still contemplating with myself, about what I should do now. should I just give it up and say fuck it, or keep struggling and alive. I really wish I could die "naturally", bet they won't be as painful as taking your own life.
I tried to call two suicide hotlines, 119 and 500454 but none of them work, I guess I really can't have this burden out to anyone else.
I'm tired of pretending that everything is okay, and it's fine for me to live like anyone else. I just don't have any interest in anything, I don't want to do anything which is why death is an option. I've been staring at my "noose" for about 2 weeks now but I still have a fear of death.
I wonder if I'd never learned about this whole morale will death looks a bit friendly for me?
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar