So, I SUSPECTED that I have depression, but I never got it checked or diagnosed because I'm not sure how to explain to my family. I feel worthless. I don't have any purposes in life. I feel empty.
I just watched some videos about suicidal people, and I can relate to their problems. Honestly, if I were to met them, I would hug them and told them everything will get better one day. But that's a white lie, I can't even convince myself to see positive side of life so who am I encouraging others to stay alive.
Watching corpse of people who took their own life somehow makes me feel better that I'm alive. There's a side of me saying that you don't want to end up like them. But there's also pity, for their family and friends that they left behind. I bet they never see it coming.
When I die, I don't want other people to take care of my corpse. I wish that they wouldn't have to bury me. I wish I could just disappear, leaving nothing behind.
I hate myself. I always fell for people way too easy. I hate it. All they need to do is giving me some attention then I'll be all over them. It's wrong. I shouldn't have been thinking that way, but I did. I still do.
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